Vax á viðkvæmum stöðum

Þið verðið að lesa þetta, sérstaklega þið stelpurnar.

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, > painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair And now...the wax. > > My night began as any other normal weeknight. > Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. > I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next > few hours: > "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." > So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. > > It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just > rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart > and press them to your leg (or wherever > else) > and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I > > mean, > I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. > (YA THINK!?!) > > So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck > together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out > the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," > yeah...right!) > > I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. > It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. > I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! > I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin > extraordinaire. > > With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak > back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. > I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. > Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my > bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to > the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and > brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! > > I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! > Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the > strip. CRAP!!! > Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think > I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? > > Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. > > I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so > much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory > that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! > There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? > > Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. > I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. > I am touching wax. > > CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now > covered in cold wax and matted hair. > Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on > the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. > > DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. > *Hoo-Hoo*?? sealed shut! > Butt?? Sealed shut! > I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think > to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. > My head may pop off!" > What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! > > I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse > > the wax-covered > bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? > WRONG!!!!!!! > > I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture > prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. > Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is > having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in > scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. > > So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied > myself to the porcelain!! > > God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put > in the bathroom!!!!! > I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret > of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my > butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" > There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but > she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where > the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" > > She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and > she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. > YEAH!!!!! Right!! > I should be the joke of someone else's night. > > While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with > a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in > hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then > dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! > > By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm > pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this > event. > > My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... > the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. > What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY > GOD!!!!!!! > The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. > It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! > > I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. > > I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief > and despair.... > THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! > > So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. > Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. > > Next week I'm going to try hair color...... > Now thats funny . Notttttttttt.